″For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.″ 1 Timothy 2:5
Today I begin alone-ness. The first day in nearly 20 years I am a man without a church; a pastor with a congregation of one.
It is a good day.
All those years ago I believed I would be the pastor people wanted: Biblically savvy, Powerful preacher, Wise in counsel.
People didn’t want that pastor. I did.
I’m not even sure I was that pastor. I think I just wanted to be.
Probably, I wanted to believe I was.
People wanted the Entrepreneurial administrator.
People wanted the effective Proselytizer.
Well, whatever it was the people wanted, I wasn’t it.
There were so few baptisms in my pulpit days. Most weddings the bride and groom made me feel as if I were part of the ornamentation rather than the officiant. Why did it seem I was the only one excited about communion on any given Sunday?
Maybe the stole was stolen; an office that never was meant to be mine. It is quite possible that this call felt in my heart to pour out my self into the cause of loving God and blessing others was meant to find some other means of expression. It is possible that Christian formation, the art of discipling, has become so dumbed down that persons with an awakened inner passion can no longer be connected to any kind of diverse and creative ministry comprehensive of all the talents God gifts to us. Do the roles needed for the Church’s work today even remotely provide offerings as diversified and varied as those divine graces?
If you sense a calling, it is the pulpit or nothing. Well, maybe you can teach a Sunday School class. There’s always a shortage of those…and nothing else in the “Help Wanted” ads of contemporary Christendom.
Today is a good day. I overreached in my desire to grab hold of God’s will for my life.
Today I walk in Christ alone. A great journey is just beginning. Care to walk a bit with me? Company might be nice. This is a journey to discover my true vocation. Is there a place in the Church for me? Does the Church even need people like me?
For now, I am extra Ecclesiam… and walking. I think it’s going to be a long walk.
Better bring a jacket.